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Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future

By Nick Hide on 01 April 2010, 10:33am

A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.

The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.

Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.

Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."

This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.

Professor Brian Cox, a former CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."

Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.

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140 Comments

APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 10:59am

Funny!

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 11:00am

April Fools I take it?

GreenThu 1 April, 2010 11:03am

......nice!

GreenThu 1 April, 2010 11:03am

"who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age" - sounds like the new Doctor Who

GreenThu 1 April, 2010 11:05am

Beautiful!!!

Set Him instantly free and let us make party!!!

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 11:20am

DF Lewis, editor of Cone Zero and Cern Zoo, predicted this some time ago. His insight into retrocausuality is astounding. Rumours that he could be Nostradamus reincarnated are spreading fast.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 12:12pm

lol

gud thing i realised it was april fools

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 12:24pm

Eloi were the folks in HG Wells The Time Machine. Good stuff!

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 12:30pm

Eloi ???? wasn't that the name of the "good" race in "The Time Machine". I hope his scarf was metric on the front and Imperial on the back

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 12:59pm

Ah, so that's where he got to.

Please, people of 2010, accept the sincere apologies of my people for letting young Eloi - not his real name, trying to pronounce that would make your head explode - slip back to your time.

We have had many problems with this youngster and will now banish him to a distant Universe.

Just out of curiosity; are you still using iPads? I always thought they sounded vaguely .... sanitary.

Farewell.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 1:40pm

That guy must be mad lol, like anyones going to belive he is from the future. But i gotta give this guy credit, this storys hilarious:)

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 2:09pm

'Cern Zoo' retrocaused this event.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 2:51pm

"It is a communist chocolate hellhole"

Looks as though they have "tea baggers" in the future as well.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 3:10pm

As i read this I kept thinking to my self that the
presumption that this guys is a psycho is not
really scientific. In reality, we don't know what
is possible and what is not. We just started the
LHC and it's possible we are seeing future visitors.

For now, I think this should be looked into if
only to eliminate even the slightest possibility
of this being first contact from a future time trave-
ler. I'm not saying that this guy should or
shouldn't be trusted, just listened to.
!

-bondheli

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 3:45pm

Though it may be April Fools, it is not too far off for some nut to claim to be from the future to try to get publicity just for the fun of it, or to put some hypothesis out there to get attention for whatever crazy mentally ill things happen in his mind

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 3:55pm

No Mountain Dew... We're all screwed, halt the experiment

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 4:32pm

Really you feel this is a fake? Are you sure it's not real

lol!

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 4:32pm

Cole...like 12 Monkeys?

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 4:33pm

I heard they called the number on his business card and it was a dry cleaner answering service.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 5:39pm

Absolutely LOVE it!

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 5:44pm

" I heard they called the number on his business card and it was a dry cleaner answering service."

but was his suite ready?

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 5:48pm

if I could go back in time, I would correct my spelling of "suite" to "suit"

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 5:50pm

"Cole" is the last name of Bruce Willis' character in 12 Monkeys.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 5:54pm

just a funny thing for april fool

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 6:19pm

I don't understand why the police are not bothered by this....they should be VERY bothered that someone disappeared from their cell.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 6:25pm

I am breathing a sigh of relief. If he came back from the future then the world did not end in 2012.....

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 6:33pm

I used to be a big mountain dew fan, but as a grew a few years older, I just didn't care for it much, now I know why, I sensed it was part of some crazy conspiracy! LMOA

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 6:34pm

God I wish this story was real.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 6:36pm

I met Eloi a hundred years ago when he tried to convince Einstein not to publish his theory of relativity. Those of us who know him well excuse his bizarre behavior which is due to a chocolate addiction. One word of warning, stop eating bananas. They're a radioactive menace.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 6:51pm

ROFL, LMAO

How some people DIDN'T realize this was utter bullshit Amazes Me !

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 7:01pm

Sorry, it was me.
But they have not caught the original me, so I can now do it again and really screw with their minds.

2010-04-01 When did we change the calendars? Oh yeah, it was in April.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 7:25pm

brilliant! Happy April Fools...bg

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 7:30pm

Cole as in Kpax

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 7:32pm

this is funny!

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 7:51pm

The "Mr. Fusion" reference was the best part.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 8:40pm

That's great. Very funny!

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 8:41pm

No one believed Kyle Reese either!

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 9:00pm

Absolute nonsense! There isn't Mountain Dew in the CERN vending machines :(. Haha.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 9:16pm

illuminati

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 9:27pm

Lame. Get another pint.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 9:54pm

Looks like the Doctor is using a different alias than "John Smith" these days...

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 10:07pm

i prefer to make my mind open.in our universe everything is possible.i don't know what to say,but this great project satisfy me much as our planet be destroyed.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 10:43pm

Aah, I love April Fools on the Internet...

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 10:46pm

And then Robert Langdon shows up!

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 11:23pm

His safety was not guaranteed.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 11:25pm

Eloi, the guys first name, is coincidentally the same name that HG Wells gave to the people of the future in his novel The Time Machine. Obviously this is a prank. What makes it even funnier, is that this guy correctly assumed peoples literary ignorance in calling himself Eloi

-Alicia

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 11:30pm

definitely a reference to the new Doctor Who.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 11:37pm

He was actually there to tell them the Collider doesn't work.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 11:45pm

April Fool's.

AnonymousThu 1 April, 2010 11:57pm

Well played, Internet. Well played indeed. This will be excellent trolling fodder for those who fear the awesome power of the LHC. Good thing we'll destroy them, too, with our soon-to-be-invented Hadron Cannons.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 12:06am

good thing he got away, I hear he is the last of the timelords......lol

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 1:01am

that's weird! there's a man right outside my window who is wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 2:47am

Doctor Who, Back to the Future, AND The Time Machine references. Nice! But with limitless Higgs Boson power, why do we need Mr. Fusion? :P

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 3:05am

Good to know men will be still be wearing bow ties in the future.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 3:42am

I love the fact he was dressed in tweed. No more Doctor Who for him I guess.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 3:46am

He could have been a little more original. The "power unit" that resembles a blender is totally a rip off of back to the future II's Mr. Fusion. Come on man.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 4:21am

Lol... this april fool's joke makes me think of the guy who claimed he was a time traveler like 10 years ago and had "blueprints" of his time machine. He claimed time travel was discovered by CERN, who had been involved in creating the machine along with a couple others with the rudimentary military that the US had thrown together after the aftermath of the second American Civil War and a plague that wiped out half the population of Earth.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 4:26am

John Titor was the "name" of the "time traveler" from 2000.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 4:28am

i have a big monkey penis in a jar from the future and the label just says 'some films are too accurate'. weird.....

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 4:34am

"Police are baffled, but not that bothered." - This kind of gave it away.. >_>

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 4:35am

so the guy was a hungry angel...aren't angels suppose to eat too? Jesus! And another thing Cox is a twat, we all know it he sucks rock and roll! tell him to go jump off a cliff.. Oh yeah another thing...Masao Ninomiya and Holger Bech Nielsen's theory is just as scientifically correct as any other of the mad scientist theories at ...the CERN ... as a matter of fact they work for the CERN ... go figure that one out ... none of these guys know what the hell they'll find and or what theory will be proven if any ... including Otto Rosseler's black hole' theory don't forget Otto is another honored university professor :)

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 5:32am

this article was so lame. instead of attempting to write something that would actually intrigue and interest a readership, the writer chose to make it blatantly obvious that it was written as a joke, thereby taking the joke out of it completely and ensuring the result would be completely unfunny. the question is, was this done in order to satisfy a lame editor, or was it because the writer was just that much of a failure? either way, 0/10.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 5:45am

What if it really is true, and They just posted it 1 April so They could go ahead and destroy the world like They planned?

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 5:51am

I was in the room with him, when he just vanished. And for all of you who doubt this story, he vanished on April 3rd

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 5:59am

This is pretty much the plot of 12 Monkeys. Even down to the name and the guy disappearing from the institution.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 6:10am

Hahahahahahahhahhahahaha

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 6:49am

This is real, you guys are ridiculous.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 7:01am

yeah and finds the antimatter.such crap

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 7:30am

actually we are just stuck with iphone untill this week.anyway did u guys find antimatter and use it in USS Enterprise?

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 7:34am

It was reported that the strange man approached the scientists and hastily requested, "Give me your clothes, your boots, and your high density electron microscopes."

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 7:42am

LOL from April

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 8:14am

forgot it was april 1, so i believed until i read the last part. i lol'd

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 8:16am

The writer could have at least ATTEMPTED to write it a little more convincingly - not funny, not clever & blatantly obvious that it was crap after reading the second paragraph. No one was fooled.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 9:29am

damn.. i fell for it too....

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 10:24am

Use April fools for any excuse. I will remember this next year.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 10:43am

thats weird maybe when he dissapeard he time travelled on somewhere else????? creepy

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 11:12am

James Cole was the character from twelve Monkeys. So. let's see, we have Dr who, HG Well's tme machine, Back to the Future, and Twelve Monkeys... any more?

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 11:31am

yeahh was my first thinking aswell

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 12:25pm

Clearly a hoax; CERN may be full of code monkeys, but they run on coffee, not Mountain Dew. There isn't even any Mountain Dew in the vending machines.

Wait... there isn't any Mountain Dew in the vending machines... great Scott! It *is* true!

AngelasticFri 2 April, 2010 2:30pm

Go Doctor, go! :P

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 2:32pm

Bah what a lost of time, atleast mention it's not real, just think that not all days are april 1st and this result will be read by people that doesn't know what april fool's is for years and years to come.

No big deal anyway.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 3:18pm

Mountain Dew has liberal amounts of caffeine.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 3:39pm

I wonder if they still have April the first in the future. If not then this might be serious eh? OMG!!! Funny or not.... Laugh or cry.... AAAARRRG!!!!!!

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 4:38pm

You really think I would risk my life if this wasn't for real. Time Travel is still experimental in my time with only a 60% success rate. Shut this thing down now before you destroy the earth.

Eloi Cole

(Transmitted via Intel ORB)

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 4:41pm

The Doctor Who reference made me smile. It's a nice STFU towards the people insisting that this is going suck the world into a deathly spiral in which we'll all be either torn to pieces or mysteriously catapulted into an alternate dimension where Ace Rimmer is actually quite a guy.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 5:25pm

hey you bas**rds..let my brother go!!!!

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 5:56pm

KPAX!!!!

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 6:20pm

Oh, wow. I hope he got back to the future ok!!!!

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 6:31pm

But but but... if you're coming back from the future, doesn't that PROVE we didn't destry the earth?

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 6:38pm

No mention that the Eloi are the docile future civilization from H.G. Well's "The Time Machine" ? Shame on all of you!

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 6:40pm

We are 2 years from the Earth Imploding because of the Action of your Scientist. The Year is 2027. If you do not STOP now we will all Perish. The Next test will Rip Time.

Eloi Cole

(Via Intel ORB)

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 6:49pm

I like that he's using a Mr. Fusion blender to power his time machine, nice touch.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 8:03pm

ever heard of april fools? ha ha idiot, there was no young man in tweed. dummy.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 8:25pm

maybe he really use a HOT TUB TIME Machine! OMG... the film must be real too. Of-course! It all makes sense!i!

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 9:00pm

maybe he really use a HOT TUB TIME Machine! OMG the film must be real too. Of-course! It all makes sense!i!

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 9:01pm

I doubt that people will be wearing bow ties and tweed in the future. I think this guy should have come up with a better outfit. Staceyann C. Dolenti

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 9:49pm

'Eloi' huh? Someone thinks they're being soooo clever... :-)

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 9:58pm

If he were from the future.. and knew the world was destroyed from this thing.. How did he live to be able to get sent back to warn us? I call BS! he's can't teleport! :P

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 11:22pm

Cool play on names. Eloi from The Time Machine and Cole taken from 12 Monkeys wayward time traveller.

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 11:23pm

jesus is a time machine traveler from the jupitor and then hippies fell into a pool of mountain dew and then robots ate lsd and everyone had free kit kat yummies and republicans revolted against themselvs and we all use ipads and we ride segways because were fat and smell

its the year 3000 and i like drunk hobo poetry and mountain dew and legal weed and stuff

thankyou
from your venerable 45th president of the UN

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 11:45pm

No way! I'm friends with this guy on Facebook... in the future, of course...

AnonymousFri 2 April, 2010 11:51pm

I don't think that you can possibly say that this kind of thing can be real! LOL! This man is a big joker LOL!!!

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 1:17am

HAHA!

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 2:41am

i wonder if any of the people involved found a blue police call box.

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 2:41am

If he comes from the future how he clains that stuff will destroy our World now?

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 3:11am

Eloi is Hebrew for "God"!

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 3:24am

Are we sure this wasn't Britney Spears off her medication??

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 4:45am

i second that

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 5:08am

If he's from the future then the machine obviously didn't destroy the world

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 5:38am

HAHAHA I have a physics teacher names Mr Cole!

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 6:45am

Fruity Loops x 10e100

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 7:19am

And I thought I was the only one who read cnet. Post comments on other lines too guys. Comments make a website, and I like to get other peoples feedback besides the cnet folks. Though I like theirs too.

andydandySat 3 April, 2010 7:21am

"The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone."

Why the hell don't you want that?

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 8:49am

Maybe It's true,like the movie.

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 9:45am

我操,世界末日来了~

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 11:32am

was wondering...if the world had been destroyed how could he be from the future?

>.

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 12:13pm

愚人节开地一个大大的笑话

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 6:13pm

Can you image what kind of practical jokes could be played if we really did have a time machine?

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 8:32pm

THE DOCTOR EXISTS!!

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 9:30pm

AWESOME!!!!

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 10:30pm

If you're going to go through all the trouble of making a story like this, you should make sure it doesn't have a huge hole in it.

If the world was destroyed by the LHC, how the heck could someone go back in time to stop it?

Durrrrrrrrrrr......

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 10:42pm

To the people pointing out the plot hole that isn't there: He never said the future was destroyed. Perhaps there is still time to prevent the chocolate communist hellhole if we all are a little less quick to criticize!

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 10:59pm

IDIOTS

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 11:12pm

Did someone say chocolate?!

AnonymousSat 3 April, 2010 11:21pm

Yes, I am from Mars and could come to geneva only for a small portion of floating time....

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 1:07am

The Eloi are the futuristic people that walk blithely into the caves of the Morlocks to be eaten when the air raid siren sounds in H.G. Wells "The Time Machine"

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 2:30am

But, is there an actual joker or it a cnet joke? Some of you say: he is a joker, idiots... but, if there is no guy and it all cnet april's fool day stuff, doesn't it make YOU, who really believed but didn't buy it an idiot?

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 2:41am

呵呵。。。

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 3:32am

Nice I was wondering if anyone was going to recognize that this is the like the first 30 minutes of 12 Monkeys when Bruce Willis gets sent back in time.

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 6:28am

how the hell did he dissapear from that mental facility later on...

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 10:16am

Not a very good April Fool joke attempt, I quickly realized it was fake.

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 12:55pm

信春哥，得永生

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 1:13pm

The unfortunate irony of faith that he traveled trough time to THAT date ...

ROFLOL!!!

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 3:13pm

hello, yesterday is today, today is tomorrow,goodbye

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 4:27pm

the man is rafapalman is the profet

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 4:48pm

Hey! didnt no one notice that thats just the history of the movie 12 monkeys, with bruce williams and brad pitt. Bruce willis was a man send back in time to fix the future, and in the movie Bruce willis was MR.Cole xDD

Great reference to the movie!

Long life to Aprils fools from a spanish

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 6:40pm

MICHAEL JACKSON COMES TO THE FUTURE HAHAHAHAHA .
THAT`S BULLSH!T !!

..."the man is rafapalman is the profet"...
OH COME ON!! WTF ARE THAT GUY THINKING??? "rafapal" is the "copyPASTE" conspiranoic webmaster...

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 9:34pm

could the LHC boil an egg?

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 10:33pm

From the future!!! Wow, I've got to talk to him about the stock market, Kentucky Derby, not forgetting the Super Bowl.

AnonymousSun 4 April, 2010 10:41pm

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